Nice Joke shared by Shri Shahab Khan (RAS Sys Admin)
Why Bill Gates might Sell OFF Microsoft
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Banta had recently purchased a new computer with Microsoft Windows as the O/S and was unhappy with the same and writes a letter to Bill Gates, regarding the same.
Dear Mr. Bill Gates,
We have bought a computer for our home and we have found some problems, which I want to bring to your notice.
1. There is a button 'start' but there is no 'stop' button. We request you to check this.
2. One doubt is whether any 're-scooter' is available in system? I find only 're-cycle', but I own a scooter at my home.
3. There is 'Find' button but it is not working properly. My wife lost the door key and we tried a lot trace the key with this 'find' button, but was unable to trace. Please rectify this problem.
4. My child has learnt 'Microsoft word' now he wants to learn 'Microsoft sentence', so when you will provide that?
5. I bought computer, CPU, mouse and keyboard, but there is only one icon which shows 'My Computer' when you will provide the remaining items?
6. It is surprising that windows says 'MY Pictures' but there is not even a single photo of mine. So when will you keep my photo in that
7. There is 'MICROSOFT OFFICE' what about 'MICROSOFT HOME' since I use the PC at home only.
8. You provided 'My Recent Documents'. When you will provide 'My Past Documents'?
9. You provide 'My Network Places'. For God sake please do not provide 'My Secret Places'. I do not want to let my wife know where I go after my office hours.
Last one to Mr. Bill Gates: Sir, how is it that your name is Gates but you are selling WINDOWS?
Regards,
Banta
administrator June 25th, 2008 05:17:09 PM
A Boss looking through his Mail Box was astonished to see a mail from an Employee who was supposed to be busy working at Client side on a critical project. It had the subject -
"TaTa - Bye Bye". With the worst premonition he opened the mail and read the content with trembling hands:-
Dear Sir,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving the job. The offer was too lucrative and attractive for me to turn down. I had to abscond because I wanted to avoid a scene with the HR and you. I am sorry but I had no choice.
The project is working fine. There are only 108 issues pending, out of which only 38% issues are High Priority. Hence I am sure there is no need to worry about. The next Phase of major enhancements I have been working upon, have been completed halfway. I am sure the new person who would replace me would not understand what all I had done so far. Hence, for his and your convenience, I have taken care to remove all the work that I had been doing this far for nearly 3 months now. I am sure you will appreciate my insight and "big heart".
I am of course retaining the Originals that I had retrieved for the purpose of Passport verification with me, considering it as a parting gift from you. Of course, I will not pay the bond amount that I owe the company (since I Am breaking the bond). But I will consider this as a
parting gift from our Dear company. I moving out of town since the new company is situated in another City.
Also, I have changed my contact number. So you will not be able to get in touch with me, to congratulate me. But I know your blessings are always with me. Last but not the least. I also have the Rs 12000 entrusted to me by our company's cultural events group, for the upcoming movie event. I am sure you would have wanted me to keep it with myself as an added bonus from our company. I respect you very much, hence your wish is my command.
Don't worry sir. I am 2 years experienced now, learning so much from your company. So I will surely use this knowledge to write better programs for the new company. Someday I'm sure we will meet sometime in the future. If you wish, I will surely be glad to give my employee reference for you to apply for a job in the new company which I am joining.
Your faithful employee,
S. W. Engineer
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PS". Hands still trembling, the Boss read:
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PS: Dearest Boss, none of the above is true. I'm am still busy working at client side. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my "Request to reconsider my Salary Appraisal" attached with this mail. Please approve it and call when it is safe for me to come to our Office to discuss this. My respect and Best Regards to you!
Unknown May 6th, 2008 08:50:24 AM
| After 2 years of selfless service, a man realized that he has not been promoted, no transfer, no salary increase no commendation and that the Company is not doing any thing about it. So he decided to walk up to his HR Manager one morning and after exchanging greetings, he told his HR Manager his observation.The boss looked at him, laughed and asked him to sit down saying; Myfriend, you have not worked here for even one day. The man was surprised to hear this, but the manager went on to explain. Manager:- How many days are there in a year? Man:- 365 days and some times 366 Manager:- how many hours make up a day? Man:- 24 hours Manager:- How long do you work in a day? Man:- 8am to 4pm. i.e. 8 hours a day. Manager:- So, what fraction of the day do you work in hours? Man:- (He did some arithmetic and said 8/24 hours i.e. 1/3(one third) Manager:- That is nice of you! What is one-third of 366 days? Man:- 122 (1/3x366 = 122 in days) Manager:- Do you come to work on weekends? Man:- No sir Manager:- How many days are there in a year that are weekends? Man:- 52 Saturdays and 52 Sundays equals to 104 days Manager:- Thanks for that. If you remove 104 days from 122 days, how many days do you now have? Man:- 18 days. Manager:- OK! I do give you 2 weeks sick leave every year. Now remove that14 days from the 18 days left. How many days do you have remaining? Man:- 4 days Manager:- Do you work on New Year day? Man:- No sir! Manager:- Do you come to work on workers day? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- 2 days sir! Manager:- Do you come to work on the (National holiday )? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- 1 day sir! Manager:- Do you work on Christmas day? Man:- No sir! Manager:- So how many days are left? Man:- None sir! Manager:- So, what are you claiming? Man:- I have understood, Sir. I did not realise that I was stealing Company money all these days. Moral - NEVER GO TO HR FOR HELP!!! HR=HIGH RISK |
Rajneesh Maheshwari February 28th, 2008 11:30:08 AM
Accountant Joke
Once a man went to a Veterinary Doctor in India and said: "Doctor I have come on vacation for a month so that I can get myself treated fully within this period."
Doctor: I think you should go to the Doctor opposite to my clinic, see that board.
Man: No, Doctor, I have come to you only.
Doctor: But, gentleman I am a Veterinary Doctor. I am an animal specialist. I do not treat human beings.
Man: I know, Doctor very well and that is why I have come to you only...
Doctor: I can not, because you speak like me, think like me, talk like me which means you are a human being and not an animal.
Man: I know I am a human but litsen to my complaints first:
Doctor: OK. Tell me.
Man: I sleep vigilantly like a dog thinking about my work load whole night.
I get up in the morning like a horse, I go to work running like a deer
I work all the day like a donkey
I run around for 11 months like a bull without any holiday.
I wag my tail in front of all my bosses
I play with my children like a monkey if I get time.
I am like a rabbit before my wife
Doctor: are you an Accountant?
Man: Yes
Doctor: Instead of telling this long history you should have told me in the begining itself that you are an accountant . Come man, no one can treat you better than me.
Rajneesh Maheshwari February 6th, 2008 02:30:21 PM
| Once 3 Sardars decided to go on a picnic. When they got there, they realized that they had forgotten the soda. The youngest Sardar said he would go home & get it if they wouldn't eat the snacks until he got back. The other two agreed to wait patiently. An hour went by, Then a Day, followed by another day, finally a week... the 2 Sardars said 'oh, come on, let's eat the snacks' .... .... .... .... .... Suddenly the Young Sardar popped up from behind a rock and said 'If you do like this, I won't go.' |
administrator February 5th, 2008 03:46:26 PM
A man checked into a hotel.
There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to
his wife.
However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without
realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting
condolence messages from relatives and friends.
After reading the 1st message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into
the room found his mother on the floor and saw the computer screen
which read:
To:
My Loving Wife
Subject: I've reached
Date: January 31, 2004
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here; we
are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones.
I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has
been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you
TOMORROW !
Yours
Loving Hubby
Comments (0)administrator January 20th, 2008 08:12:51 PM
| A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!" |
administrator January 3rd, 2008 09:51:46 AM
| A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever |
administrator January 3rd, 2008 09:50:34 AM